White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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