Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
