Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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