why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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