Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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