I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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