just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
