She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
