i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
