I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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