i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
