Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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