I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
