i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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