Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
