i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
