Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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