I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
