yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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