I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
