I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
