Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
