i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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