did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
