i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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