Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
