Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
