That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
