Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
