Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
