Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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