Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
