dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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