My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
