please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
