Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
