I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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