Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
