Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
