I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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