Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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