just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
