WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
