Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
