I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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