I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
