i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
