There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
