You can't special order awesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
