How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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