the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
